Saturday, April 3, 2010
Let the little children come...
As I have prepared to celebrate tomorrow, Resurrection Day, Easter, I have been thinking again (and again) of how the Lord moves in such mighty ways. How powerful and loving He is. That He loved us so much to die for us. That He continues to love us in our brokenness and unbelief. He has shown me many truths in the last few months.
When I first started thinking, praying about, and talking to my husband about my feelings about moving forward in adoption, I had lots of misgivings (still do occasionally). We had always talked about maybe someday adopting, but always as a maybe someday. So as I started talking to God about it, I probably told Him daily that I thought this was a crazy thing. I don't have the energy or patience for the 3 I have. I don't have the energy or the patience for the process. We don't have the time. We don't have the money and I want to use the money we do have to have an easy life. Life is getting a little easier with my 3 biological kids getting a little older and more independent. I don't really want to mess that up.
But God kept talking to me so I tried to keep listening. My husband and I decided that we would do a little research so we set up a meeting with a local crises pregnancy center, just to ask questions. We thought we might look in to some info about a local, domestic adoption. We had a great conversation and went back to our thinking about it. We were specifically thinking about adopting a bi-racial or African American baby as that seems to be the greatest need. I felt bombarded with a world of new information. Living in a very white area of the world, how could I teach and expose this baby to it's heritage? What about learning to do their hair? I would need children's books in my home that specifically have children of different colors in it and African American baby dolls. Wow, there was so much I had not thought about. I felt an even stronger call to move forward but there was new information coming like crazy.
I called a friend of mine. A Christian African American women who has 6 children of her own and grew up in a very diverse and mixed culture. I wanted to tell her my fears, ask her questions, get her opinion. The Lord blessed our conversation and blessed me through her. She eased my fears, assured me of her presence, reminded me of how adoption is such a beautiful picture of the Gospel. That conversation reminded me of the verse that talks about not worrying about what we will say, for the Spirit will tell you the words when you need them. He did. That whole conversation felt God breathed. While I was talking to my friend, I had this beautiful picture of God bringing me two children. That there were two out there. I had this picture of my heart and God opening it up and pouring that love out on two children. It blew my head off! If I thought that God was talking crazy before in just letting me think about adoption, I sure thought he was crazy now telling me that there were going to be two! I told my friend what the Lord had just poured in to me. I have no idea what this means or how it will come to fruition, but I am anxious to see how the Lord will bring those two in to my life. My heart is being prepared.
Later in the day as I was still spinning from this encounter with God, my second child, a little girl who was almost 5, brought me a sweet picture that just confirmed my conversation with my friend and my Lord. It was a picture of 3 stick people and it said "I love you Mommy" on the top. The people were three different sizes so I just assumed it was me with two of my kids. So I said, oh how sweet, I love it, is it me and you and one of your brothers. "No", she said. "It is Jesus and he is telling the little children to come to him." Once more a how sweet from me the mommy and loving her tender heart I said, "Oh, is that Jesus with you and one of your brothers?" (I can really just picture God laughing right now as he waits for the punch line!) Once more she said No. "Mommy, that is Jesus and those are two other children somewhere out there that he wants to come to him." My heart burst as the Lord poured out on me through the picture my little girl had drawn. I fell to my knees as I cried out in praise of Him, thanking Him for showing me, for giving me a glimpse of what he desires for me, desires of me. God is calling my family, as He calls all of us, to be Jesus in this world. To be His hands and feet here, now, and to care for the least of those around us. Not to be like the disciples and hold them as bay saying we are too busy or too tired (Lord knows I am both of those things), but to be like Jesus as he opens his arms and his life up to them.
I called my husband crying telling him about this sweetness I had encountered, the confirmation to the things we had been questioning. Through my crying there was also laughter as I told my husband that we needed to be prepared, because one of the children in the picture had no arms :-)