This year these things seem so magnified. It began with our first night of Advent. My husband had us all sit in darkness for a short time (our 3 year old doesn't sit anywhere for very long), then he lit our first Advent Candle. It was so very real. The longing for the lights to come back on. The waiting for the light...then the one candle lit. It made the darkness go away. Not fully, not yet, but a light in that dark room. While the dark has been penetrated by the light, we still wait, with longing, for it to be gone completely.
I think it all seems so much more real this year because I have been in a state of waiting, of longing. If I am honest with myself, I will admit that there have been few times in my life I have really had to wait for anything. Maybe a week, or a month, or a year. But to really WAIT? Probably not. Let me note here also, that I do not do waiting well, it is not pretty. I am an instant gratification person. So this wait has been really hard.
There is the waiting, yes, but there is also this AMAZING story of adoption. God has gone to such impossible lengths to adopt us, to rescue us. This year I have been overwhelmed with the OT prophetic stories of the coming of the Christ child. The plan that God had for us. His voice, the light that was brought forth out of the void of nothingness in Creation. The amazing Shoot that will branch out of the stump of Jesse. The sacrifice that God provided Abraham in place of Isaac. All those OT stories point us to the story of our adoption, an adoption that will change the course of our life.
During this time of waiting for our child, the love of God has been so present and so real for me. I want so much more of Him. The longing has pointed me to Him over and over. As I have longed and waited for our sweet Ethiopian daughter, I have had to cling to my Father who has adopted me. Knowing that His love for her, for all my children, for me, is so much more that I can comprehend. Knowing that He longs for her adoption as well (not just into an earthly family).
Now we prepare for our first journey to meet her. My heart is all over the place, as are my hormones! I am crying at everything, laughing and sobbing at the same time in amazement that God has called me to this period of longing in my life, and that at the end of this waiting, there will be a sweet little light as our prayers are finally answered and she will be united to our family. The darkness won't be gone, the pain of her story will still be there, there will be hard days for all of us as we walk our journey out, but it will make us LONG even more for the day when all darkness will be cast out, and we will walk in Pure Light and Joy again.
I can't wait to get her in my arms. To touch her and kiss her sweet face. The longing.